How To Talk To Your Children About Tragedy and Tragic Events

I can still hear it, the sound of my phone alerting me of a incoming text message. I remember exactly what is said, "Boston explosions :/ people's legs blown off" that was the message I received from my significant other informing me of yesterday's bombings that occurred shortly after 4 pm EST during the Boston Marathon. I was very confused by the text I had just woken up from a nap and didn't know what to make of it. So I did what most people would have done I searched the Internet for more information. And turned the news on. 

Flipping through the local news channels, nothing. It was too soon, I found an article online explaining what happened, 2 bombs had gone off shortly after 4 pm EST during the Boston Marathon, killing 2 people and injuring at least 23 people. That was yesterday afternoon, since then the death toll had risen to 3 and left 145 injured including at least 12 in critical condition. 

Immediately I thought about my daughter, she's only 23 months thank god she is too little to understand. She won't be asking any questions, she won't want to know why this happened, she won't tell me she's scared, she won't have nightmares. I can take comfort in knowing that I don't have to explain the evils of the world we live in just yet. 

But what if she was older, what if she did understand and wanted answers? What if she felt those same emotions that the rest of the world is feeling right now, sadness, fear, confusion, what would I have said to her? I'm not a psychologist, or a doctor, a teacher or anything else, just another stay at home mother who has lived through another tragic event in history so what could I say to my child after this? I thought long and hard about this all night yesterday and even early this morning. This is what I came up with after doing a little research online and adding in knowledge I gained from my own experiences with tragic events.

1.) Try to keep the conversations short. Giving too much information or including too many details in the discussion may leave your children feeling frightened or insecure, by keeping the discussion short you are able to address the situation but also keep your child from panicking. Make sure you reassure them that they are safe. If my daughter would have asked what happened I probably would have said something like, "Some bad guys hurt a lot of people yesterday, but a lot of good people like doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers, even the president came to help them. The good people are going to make them all better, and they are also going to protect us and keep us safe."

2.) Make your child feel comfortable and safe by using plenty of nonverbal reassurance. Showing your child lots of love by hugging them and kissing them, even just cuddling whether it's before bed or while playing or watching TV together, will put them at ease and make them feel secure and safe. As a child after the 1994 Northridge Earthquake my mother used to let me cuddle with her after dinner, I would tell her before bed I was scared and I remember she laid in my bed with me and held me for awhile, it always put me at ease and made me feel safer.

3.) If possible try to avoid watching News Broadcasts on TV or listening to it on the radio in front of small children. As a kid the one thing that scared me the most after tragic events was news broadcasts, they tend to say things and show things that may scare a child like, blood, injuries, talk about death and have a tendency to use words that may frighten a child like terrorists, bombs, guns, shootings, etc. The images and language may be tough for a child to see and hear. As a kid I remember growing up always watching news broadcasts with my parents I remember the bombings in Oklahoma City from 1994. It was terrifying to see the explosion and all of the wreckage after it occurred, I had nightmares of it as a kid, I wished my parents would have watched it when I wasn't around.

4.) Remember your kids may want to talk about it again at another time, so be prepared to have the discussion again.  Chances are your kids may hear you discuss it with others, or hear about it at school or daycare, be prepared to answer their questions as best as you can without making them feel frightened. Try using words they understand and words you comfortable using, this may or may not be the time to discuss death with your child.

5.) Try your best not to show your own fears and anxieties about the situation. Kids feed off of their parents' energy so if they sense you are scared they probably will be too. You want to make your children feel secure, I'm not saying to lie to them or hide your feelings but let them know you are upset about what some bad people did, but assure them that lots of good people are working hard to fix it and keep everyone safe, and/or make things better. 

6.) Try to get things back to normal as best you can. Of course you may still be upset and hurting but your children may not understand and the best way you can try to help yourself and your children move on is to resume normal activities. By resuming normal activities it may take not only your mind off of the situation but also theirs too, it will help them feel more secure and possibly help curb anxieties they may feel.

Obviously I'm not an expert on this particular topic but I did do some research before I wrote this post, and I spoke to other moms, and used my knowledge from my own experiences to help come up with these tips. If you or your child is still having trouble coping don't be afraid to seek the help of a professional, they are there to help you and your family members get through these sorts of situations. My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to everyone who has experienced sadness, grief, and anger from this tragic event. Good luck to everyone and remember to pray for everyone in Boston. #PrayForBoston

Photo Credit: Washington Post

Holiday Brisket Recipe

It's been quite awhile since my last blog post and I apologize for that, I've been busy with my very mobile 19 month old. Anyway we all know the holidays are coming closer and closer about a week to be exact, so I decided to put up the recipe for one of my favorite holiday meals, Brisket. I usually make this every year for Hanukkah because I am in fact Jewish but the truth is, this recipe can work for any holiday celebration and is absolutely delicious and super simple to make.

Serves: 6-8 people
Prep time: 15 minute

Ingredients:
1 4lb brisket
1 and half cups of grape tomatoes 
1 cup of white white
2 and half cups of beef stock
2 packets of onion soup mix

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

2. Place the grape tomatoes into the food processor and blend for about 2 minutes or until it looks like a nice tomatoey sauce. (You can also substitute 1 can of tomato sauce for this and skip this sauce if desired, I personally prefer to use the grape tomatoes)

3. Place the brisket in a large roasting pan and pour the onion soup packets all over the brisket then add the tomato mixture, white wine , and beef stock to the pan.

4. Place the brisket in the oven for 3 and half to 4 hours, until nice and tender. Let sit for 5 minutes to cool place sauce mixture over the finished brisket.

My whole family loves this, I actually just made it last night for Hanukkah in the picture above mine was served with latkes and asparagus you can use whatever sides you like. Tip: sometimes I will take the brisket out of the oven and cut a piece off and try it to make sure it's nice and tender just like in the picture below:

If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment below and I will try to respond as soon as possible! Happy Holidays everyone!

What I've learned since becoming a mother

Something tragic happened to me today to inspire this post.. my beloved cell phone that I've had for almost 2 years now is no longer. I've had this thing since December of 2010, it helped me document my pregnancy, take silly pictures, pass the time with games, watch videos, and most importantly kept me in contact with the rest of the outside world. When I didn't have it with me I felt weird like a piece of me was missing, everything was fine this morning until I made the biggest mistake I could ever make as a new mother.

I gave my phone to my almost 16 month old daughter, and she threw it in the toilet. What's really sad about this is while I was in the bathroom with her washing my hands I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be absolutely terrible if she threw it into the toilet?" and before I could even blink the very thing I had JUST thought happened. This is what's left of my poor sad soggy phone:

You can see the obvious water damage, I got it out of the toilet as fast as I could but it was already too late. RIP phone, you will be missed. This was one of life's lessons I had to learn the hard way, you don't give a 16  month old toddler your cell phone it's a bad idea, especially when you don't have money to replace it. That is one of the many things I've learned since I became a mother.

I've also learned to appreciate the things you do have, because at any moment they can be taken from you. Embrace you're family because they are the people who are going to get you through rough times. One smile from my daughter can make all the things that are wrong in my life so right. I've learned to become a more patient, loving, and affectionate mother. You have to be, when you have a baby your whole entire life changes I mean I personally think for the better, but I suppose not everyone out there agrees.

You have to be able to laugh sometimes instead of getting upset, like for instance when my daughter took the frozen peas out of the freezer and spilled them all over the floor and then ate them with her dog. I really wanted to be mad, but how could I be after seeing how happy she looked. So I laughed it off, children are innocent little creatures especially at this age. They don't know right from wrong yet, punishing them is absolutely useless because they don't understand.

When you have children you realize not to take life so seriously all the time you really learn enjoy every moment like its your last because you never know what can happen. Motherhood is such a difficult job, but also so darn rewarding. You don't get sick days or vacation days you give it your all because you love your child so much and you want to give them the world. My daughter is my everything and no matter what she does I could never stop loving her, because since she came into my live I've learned how to love unconditionally.

You're going to make mistakes as a parent I can guarantee this, but it's what you do after those mistakes have happened and what you take from it moving forward that matters. Obviously letting my daughter have my phone is not the biggest parenting mistake I could ever make, and I know this but it sure was disappointing to watch her throw it in the toilet. But just like any other time I learned some kind of lesson that will help me be a better parent moving forward.

Believe me I'm terrified of messing my little girls life up, but I know deep down I'm doing the best that I can and I will always do the best I can as a mother to raise her right so that is all that matters. Make sure you tell your kids you love them every chance you get and give them as many kisses and hugs as they will allow especially when they are young because they may not let you when you get older :). Oh and don't be so hard on yourself it's hard being a parent it doesn't come with a handbook.

My Adventure at Children's Hospital... (Public Healthcare UPDATE)

So this is sort of an update to one of my previous posts Why I hate the public healthcare system, last week after all the trouble I had to go through I finally was able to schedule an appointment for my daughter. It only took 6 weeks but whatever. Anyway today was the appointment, it started off like any other morning wake up early, fight the usual horrendous LA traffic (it was so bad I even got a picture of it see below), keep my daughter happy so she is in a good mood when she meets the doctor.

We got there right on time at 8 am, checked in and then were escorted to the GI and Nutrition clinic on the 2nd floor. I have to admit it was a pretty nice facility, there were cool paintings on the wall, a flat screen TV (with nothing on of course) and plenty of comfortable seating. I filled out my paperwork while trying to keep my daughter from wandering, which isn't exactly easy when you're filling out paperwork. We didn't wait long at all, I think we sat there maybe 10 minutes at most before we got called in.

So the nurse does the usual, weighs her, checks her height, and attempted to get her blood pressure... nice try lady my daughter is a wiggler. And then we were taken into a room to wait for her doctor, Dr. Liu. I was expecting an older man with an accent like her primary pediatrician, but about 5 minutes later walks in a younger man probably early 30's no accent and VERY friendly.

We talked about what had been going on (the chronic diarrhea for over 2 and half months) her diet, family history of illnesses, you know the usual. Then he tried to examine her which is pretty difficult because she is quite strong and wiggles a lot. Then we get down to the whole purpose of her visit, you know the diagnosis. Of course it's impossible to know considering no tests were performed besides fecal tests, so without labwork, he tells me it could be a food allergy. She could be allergic to milk but it's not likely considering she has been drinking it for awhile.

Then the worst of them all, she could possibly have an autoimmune disease called Celiac Disease, something I knew nothing about but anytime I hear "disease" I start to freak out. He tries to reassure by saying that she's kind of young to have it. I didn't even know what it was nor had I even heard of it so I just assume it's probably true. He ended up requesting lab work to test her for different things, and we will follow up in early November.

Now here's the really stupid part, instead of getting the labwork done at Children's Hospital which would be the obvious thing to do, I have to schedule an appointment with my primary pediatrician and get the labwork requested by him, because my insurance company only authorized an office consultation. So basically if I had it done there I would have to foot the bill. AGAIN THANK YOU PUBLIC HEALTHCARE SYSTEM.. you have truly inconvenienced me once again.

The nightmare never seems to end, and now I have to be concerned about her having Celiac Disease, which I googled on my phone as soon as I left, it basically is an  is a condition that damages the lining of the small intestine and prevents it from absorbing parts of food that are important for staying healthy. The damage is due to a reaction to eating gluten, which is found in wheat, barley, rye, and possibly oats. (Yes I took that from the A.D.A.M. medical encyclopedia) So if she has it everyone has to switch to a gluten free diet.

I'm going to be really bummed if she has it, because there are so many foods she loves that she'll have to give up but I guess on the upside if they find it earlier switching to this diet won't be as hard for her because she's only 15 months old and doesn't understand. I think it will be harder for me personally than her but as a parent you make sacrifices for your children and I'm 100% willing to do it for her, besides hearing that she could possibly have Celiac Disease makes me wonder if I have it, I've had GI problems in the past and it's hereditary so maybe I should get tested too.

Bottom line, I'm no closer than I was yesterday to a diagnosis, instead I'm now worried more and even more frustrated with the public health system.

Summer is coming to an end...and I'm kind of sad

I haven't updated my blog in a few days because I have to admit I've been a little bummed, the past week hasn't been great, it's been really hot here and I found out my boyfriend got laid off from work. Not good when he's the source of our income and we were trying to move out, so I've been kind of sad I talk about being affected by the economy a lot in my blog posts but I really wasn't expecting this. My parents also got some other job related news that wasn't good so it's just been a sucky week lately.

And now summer is coming to an end, boo. I will admit I'm tired of triple digit days and worrying if the electric company is going to turn our a/c off due to flex alerts and chances of power outages, however; even though it hasn't been very kind to me I really kind of enjoyed summer. No school for me so I can dedicate all my attention to my little princess, BBQ food, swimming, beaches, fireworks, this year the summer Olympics, and quality time spent with my family.

My daughter loves to be outside in the picture above she's playing with the water table we bought her, I swear she could spend hours out there. But we love to swim, I really think she is going to be an Olympic swimmer one day, she can't wait to get into the pool sometimes. I'm going to miss the summer nights we would spend outside just watching the sunset and enjoying the breeze.

The afternoons we spent swimming (like today), and watching her and her cousin run through the sprinklers at night, it's just kind of sad. When hard times hit you it's these special moments that really help you through them, just thinking about all the fun we had together this summer makes me smile, and lets me know that even though things seem bad, we still have our family so I know we will be ok. Sometimes when I feel like I'm going to breakdown and cry, I stop myself and remind myself of all the good memories we've made this summer it helps me make it through another day. So good bye summer I'm really going to miss you. See you in about 10 months. Fall here we come, and please be kind to me.

Are any of the "Real Housewives" Franchises are real?

I have been an avid fan of Bravo and have been a loyal fan of Real Housewives of Orange County since the show began in 2006. I've seen the many changes in cast members, the crazy reunions, and have seen at least one episode of every spin off city that followed. The cities I enjoy watching the most are Orange County, Beverly Hills, New Jersey, and recently Atlanta.

I have to admit The Real Housewives franchises really helped me get through most of my pregnancy in 2010 and early 2011 being as I had horrible morning sickness the entire time and spent a lot of time in bed. So I've seen the drama, the fights, the table flipping, plastic surgery, cast member changes, etc. I wouldn't call myself and expert but I'm pretty knowledgeable in all things housewife related.

I'm currently following New Jersey as I record it onto my DVR every week, so earlier today I while my daughter was napping I watched last nights episode, for those of you who follow it, you know about the drama in Napa that ensued between Teresa and Caroline. After it was over I watched a special episode of What What Happens Live with both Teresa and Caroline giving their sides about what went down that night in Napa.

While watching I started to think, "I've been watching these shows for awhile, since 2006 and each season it seems like they go out of there way to make it more extreme than the last. There are usually more fights, more drama, more chaos, than the previous season." So then I have to ask myself and everyone else caught up in any of the cities from the Real Housewives franchises, "Just how real are these shows?" It's called the Real Housewives of "whatever" but is it really real? Do the women on these show accurately portray what a true housewife is? 

The show follows some of the wealthier women of America in their daily lives interacting with their "circle of friends" and families. The housewives are supposed to be "married" although they've had women who weren't actually married on there since the beginning (Lauri, Jo, Bethenny, Kim, etc.) so should the unmarried women even be considered housewives? After all they aren't married. Well I'm not really one to judge considering I'm currently not married and I feel like a housewife. 

Regardless of the name, do these women even embody a real American housewife? Most families in America are middle class, educated, working, with kids. There are plenty of stay at home moms out there but it's a lot less prevalent then it used to be. And with a poor economy it's becoming even less and less as previous stay at home moms have been forced to go back to work. A real housewife doesn't have 3 nannies,  one for each of her kids, doesn't go on shopping sprees weekly, we don't get a chance to go on lavish vacations for weeks at a time, and we don't meet our friends for lunch and dinners on a daily basis.

And don't get me started on the drama, my family has its share of drama and fights over typical things, living situations, sibling fights, and the occasional financial fight when someone asks to borrow money. You would also never see me pretending to be someones friend to their face and then talking about them behind their back like that, just trying to stir up trouble.

You can tell that most of these women were never friends, and probably didn't even know about each other until the show.

The truth about C-Sections

As a newly expectant mom, there are a lot of things you worry about, "Is my baby healthy, how long will this morning sickness last, how much will it weigh at birth, do I plan on breastfeeding, am I having a boy or a girl, what's labor like?" I could go on forever but you pretty much get the picture. About the time I reached the middle of the second trimester of my own pregnancy I started to think about labor and delivery more and more as each day would go by. I remember I would ask my OB/GYN questions like "What happens if my baby comes on the weekend, will you be there to deliver her?" or "Is my babies current weight normal? Is she big?"

I worried about having to push a 12 lb baby through the birth canal, and my boyfriend didn't help matters as he would continuously tell me, "I was a big baby, I weighed 10 lbs at birth and I had a big head." Why would anyone say that to their already fearful girlfriend? Later I found out it was lie but that's besides the point. I was terrified of child birth because I've heard all the horror stories, tearing during the birthing process, pooping while pushing, having trouble pushing, etc. Not to mention the effects on the body afterwards, peeing every time you laugh, the woman that does my hair told me she couldn't even sit or stand after she gave birth because the tearing she experienced was so painful.

By now I was so frightened I wondered what I had got myself into, but then I thought, "Maybe I'll just ask for a C-Section, surely it can't be as bad as natural birth." So I considered it for awhile but realized there was no point in asking just prepare for natural labor, besides many women do it every day and come out of the birthing process fine. So the weeks up to my due date I spent telling myself I would be fine and that I could do it, I even convinced myself that I wanted a natural child birth.

So the day finally comes around 7 am on May 10th I am in labor and boy am I in a lot of pain. I really was not ready for what the day had in store for me, around 7:30 I arrived, by 10 am I had my epidural. By 1 pm I was only 5 cm dilated, my daughter's heart rate had been quite high all morning, and the nurses were struggling to see movement from her on any of the monitors since I came in at 7 am. I was on oxygen all morning and afternoon. By 3 pm they informed me I would be leaving for an Emergency cesarean section because my baby was going through shock.

I remember being even more frightened than before, "What? I just got comfortable with the idea of having a natural birth and now I'm being forced to have a c-section? I'm not even mentally prepared for this." They prepared me for surgery gave me an extra dose of epidural, trust me when I tell you I was so drugged up, I felt nothing. At 4:27 pm on May 10, 2011 my daughter was born.

As I laid in the bed in recovery I had no idea what I was in store for, I was in recovery for over 2 hours and they kept asking me if I could move around, I responded with a "No I still can't feel my legs." The nurse thought it was weird and said the epidural should have worn off by now. I started to feel scared, "What if I'm paralyzed?" An hour later they moved me back to my room and put these strange boots on my feet to prevent blood clots. I was still worried because I couldn't feel the lower half of my body, the nurse in my room assured me I just had a really good epidural and I should be glad I can't feel anything because once I do, it will not be pleasant.

Sigh, boy was she right about 2 hours later I regained all feeling and I was in worse pain then before. No one  warned me about this, when reading up on the whole birthing process, sure they tell you it's painful but they don't go into much detail about it. Not only was my incision site oozing blood for about 2 days, the first day you're on bed rest and the very next day, you're forced to get out of bed and walk around the hospital.

I remember the nurse got me out of bed to change the bandages and clean me down there, yea you're supposed to squirt water down there to keep things clean, anyway those first steps out of bed were the hardest. At that moment I wanted to die it hurt so bad, but I must do it. It was awful, why didn't anyone tell me any of this? My mom had 3 c-sections and was in the room when I was informed that I was getting one, she could have told me.

The nurses also tell you to walk around the hospital because you have to try to release the gas inside your stomach, not to mention the constipation pain. This was too much, NO ONE TOLD ME ANY OF THIS. I wish I would have known how difficult this would be not just on my body physically but also mentally. I was in the hospital for 4 days and when I got home I remember not wanting to do anything let alone take care of a baby.

For about 2 and half weeks it hurt to get in and out of bed, it took me about 4 weeks before I could roll over again, by 8 weeks the pain was virtually gone, I mean it was still sensitive to touch but nothing like those first few weeks where it hurt to even move. I'm natural child birth is a lot better than the horrible pain of a C-section. These are thing that you don't hear, no one told me that when I tried to go poop after that I would be crying because it hurt so much. No one warned me about the recovery period, how big my scar would be, any of this. It can sometimes take a while to regain feeling in that area, it took me about 4-5 months after birth. Although this didn't happen to me in particular, mothers who have c-sections sometimes have a more difficult time breastfeeding too, due to the epidural it makes the baby sleepy and it's difficult to get them to latch on.

I have no idea why anyone would actually voluntarily ask for such a thing. So this is why I'm writing about this, to tell the truth about cesarean sections. To prepare the expectant moms out there that might have to go through this, it's not as glamorous as it seems. If you can mentally prepare yourself for it now then maybe it will be easier for you later. I just wish someone would have told me the truth about c-sections, it may have been a lot easier on me. As hard as it was I now have a beautiful little girl and I would totally do it all over again in a second.