I Know Where Your Kid Is, Do You?

As a new mother I know taking your kids out in public can be a very difficult and daunting task. They whine, scream, and have this insane need to exert as much energy as possible at any given moment. If your 2 year old wants juice and you have to search deep down into the depths of that overly stuffed diaper bag that appears to be bursting at the seams, it can lead to a stage 4 meltdown. I've been there. I can only imagine how hard it is for the parents of several children. Even with all that information, that does not make it okay for you to let your child run wild while you just sit there staring blankly at your iPhone.

Today I had a doctor's appointment to go over the results of a pelvic ultrasound I had done earlier this week. I was sitting in the lobby waiting patiently for my name to be called, when a woman and her two children walk in. One of the kids was 7 the other was about 3, they sat down for about five minutes and then the three year old gets out of her seat and starts running around the office climbing all over the cushions of the chairs in the waiting room as if they were a jungle gym at the local park.

She gets off the chair and hides behind a divider in the waiting room, her sister soon follows and they proceed to play hide-and-seek. The three year old jumps off the chair as if it's a back yard trampoline and I hear a loud thump as her bottom lands on the creaky dark wooden  floors. Then the screams start, and by now I can feel my blood pressure rising, where is her mother? What could she possibly doing that is so important that she can't keep track of her children? 

I decide to get up and see, I casually walk past her and over to the magazine rack so I don't draw attention to myself. She is on her cell phone, staring deeply at it. Really? That's the reason you have allowed your children to run around the office like they are animals that have just been released into the wild? Does she even know where her kids are at?

Too often do I see this scenario, parents too distracted by there cell phones or other form of electronics to take notice that their kids are misbehaving or worse they are no longer in sight. Is your cell phone, iPad, book, tablet, etc. more important that watching your kids? I am by no means the perfect mother, I make mistakes like everyone else, but I refuse to allow my daughter to run wild in public places and there is nothing in this world that is more important than making sure she does not leave my sight.

Parents PLEASE keep track of your children, one day they will run off and a kind lady like me won't be there to keep them from getting hurt. Nothing is more important than your children, so please put your phone down and watch them.

Photo Credit: Google Images

How To Talk To Your Children About Tragedy and Tragic Events

I can still hear it, the sound of my phone alerting me of a incoming text message. I remember exactly what is said, "Boston explosions :/ people's legs blown off" that was the message I received from my significant other informing me of yesterday's bombings that occurred shortly after 4 pm EST during the Boston Marathon. I was very confused by the text I had just woken up from a nap and didn't know what to make of it. So I did what most people would have done I searched the Internet for more information. And turned the news on. 

Flipping through the local news channels, nothing. It was too soon, I found an article online explaining what happened, 2 bombs had gone off shortly after 4 pm EST during the Boston Marathon, killing 2 people and injuring at least 23 people. That was yesterday afternoon, since then the death toll had risen to 3 and left 145 injured including at least 12 in critical condition. 

Immediately I thought about my daughter, she's only 23 months thank god she is too little to understand. She won't be asking any questions, she won't want to know why this happened, she won't tell me she's scared, she won't have nightmares. I can take comfort in knowing that I don't have to explain the evils of the world we live in just yet. 

But what if she was older, what if she did understand and wanted answers? What if she felt those same emotions that the rest of the world is feeling right now, sadness, fear, confusion, what would I have said to her? I'm not a psychologist, or a doctor, a teacher or anything else, just another stay at home mother who has lived through another tragic event in history so what could I say to my child after this? I thought long and hard about this all night yesterday and even early this morning. This is what I came up with after doing a little research online and adding in knowledge I gained from my own experiences with tragic events.

1.) Try to keep the conversations short. Giving too much information or including too many details in the discussion may leave your children feeling frightened or insecure, by keeping the discussion short you are able to address the situation but also keep your child from panicking. Make sure you reassure them that they are safe. If my daughter would have asked what happened I probably would have said something like, "Some bad guys hurt a lot of people yesterday, but a lot of good people like doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers, even the president came to help them. The good people are going to make them all better, and they are also going to protect us and keep us safe."

2.) Make your child feel comfortable and safe by using plenty of nonverbal reassurance. Showing your child lots of love by hugging them and kissing them, even just cuddling whether it's before bed or while playing or watching TV together, will put them at ease and make them feel secure and safe. As a child after the 1994 Northridge Earthquake my mother used to let me cuddle with her after dinner, I would tell her before bed I was scared and I remember she laid in my bed with me and held me for awhile, it always put me at ease and made me feel safer.

3.) If possible try to avoid watching News Broadcasts on TV or listening to it on the radio in front of small children. As a kid the one thing that scared me the most after tragic events was news broadcasts, they tend to say things and show things that may scare a child like, blood, injuries, talk about death and have a tendency to use words that may frighten a child like terrorists, bombs, guns, shootings, etc. The images and language may be tough for a child to see and hear. As a kid I remember growing up always watching news broadcasts with my parents I remember the bombings in Oklahoma City from 1994. It was terrifying to see the explosion and all of the wreckage after it occurred, I had nightmares of it as a kid, I wished my parents would have watched it when I wasn't around.

4.) Remember your kids may want to talk about it again at another time, so be prepared to have the discussion again.  Chances are your kids may hear you discuss it with others, or hear about it at school or daycare, be prepared to answer their questions as best as you can without making them feel frightened. Try using words they understand and words you comfortable using, this may or may not be the time to discuss death with your child.

5.) Try your best not to show your own fears and anxieties about the situation. Kids feed off of their parents' energy so if they sense you are scared they probably will be too. You want to make your children feel secure, I'm not saying to lie to them or hide your feelings but let them know you are upset about what some bad people did, but assure them that lots of good people are working hard to fix it and keep everyone safe, and/or make things better. 

6.) Try to get things back to normal as best you can. Of course you may still be upset and hurting but your children may not understand and the best way you can try to help yourself and your children move on is to resume normal activities. By resuming normal activities it may take not only your mind off of the situation but also theirs too, it will help them feel more secure and possibly help curb anxieties they may feel.

Obviously I'm not an expert on this particular topic but I did do some research before I wrote this post, and I spoke to other moms, and used my knowledge from my own experiences to help come up with these tips. If you or your child is still having trouble coping don't be afraid to seek the help of a professional, they are there to help you and your family members get through these sorts of situations. My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to everyone who has experienced sadness, grief, and anger from this tragic event. Good luck to everyone and remember to pray for everyone in Boston. #PrayForBoston

Photo Credit: Washington Post

The truth about C-Sections

As a newly expectant mom, there are a lot of things you worry about, "Is my baby healthy, how long will this morning sickness last, how much will it weigh at birth, do I plan on breastfeeding, am I having a boy or a girl, what's labor like?" I could go on forever but you pretty much get the picture. About the time I reached the middle of the second trimester of my own pregnancy I started to think about labor and delivery more and more as each day would go by. I remember I would ask my OB/GYN questions like "What happens if my baby comes on the weekend, will you be there to deliver her?" or "Is my babies current weight normal? Is she big?"

I worried about having to push a 12 lb baby through the birth canal, and my boyfriend didn't help matters as he would continuously tell me, "I was a big baby, I weighed 10 lbs at birth and I had a big head." Why would anyone say that to their already fearful girlfriend? Later I found out it was lie but that's besides the point. I was terrified of child birth because I've heard all the horror stories, tearing during the birthing process, pooping while pushing, having trouble pushing, etc. Not to mention the effects on the body afterwards, peeing every time you laugh, the woman that does my hair told me she couldn't even sit or stand after she gave birth because the tearing she experienced was so painful.

By now I was so frightened I wondered what I had got myself into, but then I thought, "Maybe I'll just ask for a C-Section, surely it can't be as bad as natural birth." So I considered it for awhile but realized there was no point in asking just prepare for natural labor, besides many women do it every day and come out of the birthing process fine. So the weeks up to my due date I spent telling myself I would be fine and that I could do it, I even convinced myself that I wanted a natural child birth.

So the day finally comes around 7 am on May 10th I am in labor and boy am I in a lot of pain. I really was not ready for what the day had in store for me, around 7:30 I arrived, by 10 am I had my epidural. By 1 pm I was only 5 cm dilated, my daughter's heart rate had been quite high all morning, and the nurses were struggling to see movement from her on any of the monitors since I came in at 7 am. I was on oxygen all morning and afternoon. By 3 pm they informed me I would be leaving for an Emergency cesarean section because my baby was going through shock.

I remember being even more frightened than before, "What? I just got comfortable with the idea of having a natural birth and now I'm being forced to have a c-section? I'm not even mentally prepared for this." They prepared me for surgery gave me an extra dose of epidural, trust me when I tell you I was so drugged up, I felt nothing. At 4:27 pm on May 10, 2011 my daughter was born.

As I laid in the bed in recovery I had no idea what I was in store for, I was in recovery for over 2 hours and they kept asking me if I could move around, I responded with a "No I still can't feel my legs." The nurse thought it was weird and said the epidural should have worn off by now. I started to feel scared, "What if I'm paralyzed?" An hour later they moved me back to my room and put these strange boots on my feet to prevent blood clots. I was still worried because I couldn't feel the lower half of my body, the nurse in my room assured me I just had a really good epidural and I should be glad I can't feel anything because once I do, it will not be pleasant.

Sigh, boy was she right about 2 hours later I regained all feeling and I was in worse pain then before. No one  warned me about this, when reading up on the whole birthing process, sure they tell you it's painful but they don't go into much detail about it. Not only was my incision site oozing blood for about 2 days, the first day you're on bed rest and the very next day, you're forced to get out of bed and walk around the hospital.

I remember the nurse got me out of bed to change the bandages and clean me down there, yea you're supposed to squirt water down there to keep things clean, anyway those first steps out of bed were the hardest. At that moment I wanted to die it hurt so bad, but I must do it. It was awful, why didn't anyone tell me any of this? My mom had 3 c-sections and was in the room when I was informed that I was getting one, she could have told me.

The nurses also tell you to walk around the hospital because you have to try to release the gas inside your stomach, not to mention the constipation pain. This was too much, NO ONE TOLD ME ANY OF THIS. I wish I would have known how difficult this would be not just on my body physically but also mentally. I was in the hospital for 4 days and when I got home I remember not wanting to do anything let alone take care of a baby.

For about 2 and half weeks it hurt to get in and out of bed, it took me about 4 weeks before I could roll over again, by 8 weeks the pain was virtually gone, I mean it was still sensitive to touch but nothing like those first few weeks where it hurt to even move. I'm natural child birth is a lot better than the horrible pain of a C-section. These are thing that you don't hear, no one told me that when I tried to go poop after that I would be crying because it hurt so much. No one warned me about the recovery period, how big my scar would be, any of this. It can sometimes take a while to regain feeling in that area, it took me about 4-5 months after birth. Although this didn't happen to me in particular, mothers who have c-sections sometimes have a more difficult time breastfeeding too, due to the epidural it makes the baby sleepy and it's difficult to get them to latch on.

I have no idea why anyone would actually voluntarily ask for such a thing. So this is why I'm writing about this, to tell the truth about cesarean sections. To prepare the expectant moms out there that might have to go through this, it's not as glamorous as it seems. If you can mentally prepare yourself for it now then maybe it will be easier for you later. I just wish someone would have told me the truth about c-sections, it may have been a lot easier on me. As hard as it was I now have a beautiful little girl and I would totally do it all over again in a second.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty if you don't/can't breastfeed your baby

So I'm working on a special post about breastfeeding, sort of an impromptu guide for new moms. It's probably going to take me awhile before I post it because even though I know a lot about this topic, I'm still doing some more research to brush up. Before I post that I want to post this first, for those of you out there feeling guilty about not breastfeeding your child or stopping. You shouldn't feel guilty.

A few days ago I was having a conversation with one of my friends about breastfeeding, she was going on about how great it is for your baby and how anyone who doesn't should be ashamed of themselves for giving their child anything but breast milk. She said "It's unnatural to not breastfeed." I could feel myself getting annoyed by the minute, but because she's a good friend I refrained from putting her in her place even though she clearly deserved it.

This is a topic that is very dear to my heart, I breastfed my daughter until she was about 6 months old. I actually wanted to and planned on breastfeeding her longer but due to low milk supply I was forced to stop. When I realized my milk supply was low, I tried a variety of different things to help. Mother's Milk Tea, herbal supplements, etc. when I realized it wasn't working I was absolutely heart broken. I remember I cried for a month. The thought of having to give my daughter formula saddened me.

I felt like I had failed as a mother because I could no longer feed my child, it was awful. My lowest point was probably about a month after I had stopped breastfeeding and I had an appointment to see my doctor for a physical, she was asking me how I was doing and that was it I lost it and burst into tears.I have a great relationship with my doctor, I'd been seeing her for years even before I got pregnant, she was more like my older friend then my doctor, so I felt comfortable telling her how I felt.  I told her exactly how I felt, like I've failed as a parent because I'm not breastfeeding anymore. I thought, "Why me? Why can't I feed my child, other women are able to breastfeed for years why can't I? I must be a bad mother because I can't provide for my child" I said all of those things to my doctor.

I remember she came over to me and gave me a hug and some tissues and said this to me, "You're a great mother whether you breastfeed your child or give her formula. Obviously there are benefits to breastfeeding, but you did the best you could. Your daughter is healthy and growing just fine, she's hitting all her milestones and is doing just fine. So what if you give her formula that doesn't make you a bad parent, lots of women give their children formula and they grow up to lead normal healthy lives. You shouldn't feel ashamed that you had to stop, you're a good mother."

Hearing her say those words just made something in my brain click. Why should I feel guilty that I stopped breastfeeding, I did the best job I could, I breastfed her for as long as I possibly could. Breastfeeding is not an indication of how well you are parenting. I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, I am a good mom, I've done everything I could to make sure my child was healthy and well nourished.

So if you're reading this and you're feeling guilty because you don't or can't breastfeed, stop. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about, breastfeeding is not for everyone and it can be difficult and mentally draining. As long as you do what's best for you and your child, that's all that matters. Well there are obvious health benefits to breastfeeding it doesn't mean if you don't breastfeed that your child won't grow up healthy. I only breastfeed my daughter for 6 months and she didn't even get sick until she was 1. She's only been sick twice in the 15 months she's been alive.

Plenty of women give their children formula and they grow up to normal healthy adults, there is absolutely no reason that you or any other women should feel guilty about not breastfeeding. So the next time you go to scoop that formula into the bottle, remind yourself, "You are a great mother, you're doing a great job caring for your child, you love your child more than anything and you're doing the best job you can. You have nothing to feel guilty about!"

This is my daughter on her 1st birthday she looks pretty happy and healthy to me, so I don't think giving her formula hurt her one bit, therefore; I have nothing to feel guilty about and neither should you!