My Favorite Breastfeeding Products

Breastfeeding is one of the most natural things you can do for your baby, but it doesn't always come easy for everyone. I've nursed two children now and had my fair share of struggles, sore nipples, bad latch, low milk supply, refusal to nurse, etc. with all the troubles I've had I've gone down various avenues and spent hundreds of dollars to try and correct each problem.

I've tried numerous products designed to make breastfeeding easier for both mom and baby and I've come up with a list of products that have really helped me make it through my breastfeeding journey.

1.) My Brest Friend Nursing Pillow: I used the Boppy pillow with my first child but this pillow in my opinion really is superior. It buckles around your waist which helps you keep your back straight while nursing, has a pocket for your water bottle, phone, whatever else you want to store while you nurse, and has two grooves on each side to keep your babies head comfortable while you nurse. I had a c-section and was worried about irritating my incision but it really didn't. I really prefer this to my boppy pillow. It retails at Target for $34.99

2.) Medela Freestyle Hands Free Double Electric Breast Pump: This is probably the one product I use more than anything else, and although it is rather pricey (it retails for about $350-$400 depending on where buy it) it's worth it. With my first child I hardly ever pumped because I didn't have a very good pump the suction wasn't great and it only worked when plugged into the wall. With the Medela Freestyle it comes with a kit that connects to your bra and makes the pump completely hands free so you can work, cook, read, feed your baby, etc. all while pumping. I've personally never used the kit because I have a hands free pumping bra I purchased for $4 that I'll mention later, but it you don't want to spend extra money it's a nice extra. What I really love about this pump is how small it is, and I don't have to run through 6 batteries at a time because this pump has a rechargable battery built in so you can literally pump anywhere at any time without worrying about your batteries dying while you use it. Other features it includes a very large tote, 4 bottles with caps, an small bag with an resuable ice pack and two different size breast shields. This is one item I would say splurge on.

3.) Simple Wishes D Lite Hands Free Breastpump Bra: This is the hands free pumping bra I mentioned above, this company simple wishes offers a few different varieties of hands free pumping bras, but during the holidays they usually have contests and coupons for free bras you just pay for shipping. This is the less expensive model but it works just as well, it ties in the back and also comes with removal straps. I use this bra every day several times a day, it's comfortable, affordable, easy to use, and works with any breast pump. It also comes in two sizes that will literally fit everyone no matter how blessed you were in that particular department. Without this bra I probably would have gave up on pumping a long time ago. This particular bra retails for $26.99 on Amazon.

4.) Lansinoh Breastmilk Storage Bags: I've been a huge fan of these storage bags since I had my first child in 2011. They come in four different size boxes: 25, 50, 75, or 100. I usually buy a box of 50 which lasts about a month and half if pump 2-3 times a day and lately each box of 50 comes with 10 extra bags making the total 60. These bags are great for freezing and each one has the date, time, and volume labeled on it so you can easily figure out how long its good for and how much your baby will getting. With these breastmilk storage bags you never have to worry about your precious milk leaking out because we all know how disappointing it is to lose that liquid gold you worked so hard to pump. A box of 50 retails for between $5.99-8.99 depending on where you buy them.

5.) Bamboobies Resuable Nursing Pads: Nobody likes leaks and it can be really expensive to constantly buy disposable nursing pads. Bamboobies are heart shaped washable nursing pads for your bra. They are made from super soft bamboo material that doesn't scratch or irritate your skin, they also absorb more milk than any other nursing pad I've ever used. The best part about them is if you join their mailing list they are always giving away freebies throughout the year so you can score a free pair you just pay $2.95 for shipping. A pack of 3 plus one overnight pair retails for $24.99 on their website Bamboobies

6.) Earth Mama Angel Baby Organic Milkmaid Tea: building and maintaining a healthy milk supply for your baby can be tough. I've been drinking this tea since I brought my son home. I drink anywhere from 3-5 cups a day. It's made with fennel seed, fenugreek, milk thisle seed, anise seed, caraway seed, nettle, and red raspberry leaf. All ingredients are  100% USDA organic and non-gmo verified. This tea tastes great too. The best part you can buy a box of 3 that contains 48 tea bags for $7.89 on Amazon.

7.) Motherlove More Milk Plus: For breastfeeding has been kind of a roller coaster there have been highs and lows. One of the lows occurred when my son struggled with latching and my milk supply took a hit, I'm lucky enough that my son's pediatrician's office has a lactation consultant in house, she recommended this to help boost my milk supply. I call these my miracle pills because they really have saved me. If you follow the directions correctly on the bottle you should see an increase in your milk supply within 48 hours. These pills are also a little pricey but they work and if you do a little googling you can find deals on them. The best part about them is they don't have a nasty after taste. Drugstore.com has them for $17.99 for a bottle of 60.

8.) Milkmakers lactation cookies: These cookies are AMAZING! They are made with ingredients that have been known to boost milk supply in lactating women like oats, flax seed, and brewers yeast. They are nice because not only are they delicious but Milkmakers also sells a box of individually wrapped cookies that you can grab and take with you on the go. You're getting a delicious healthy snack that is not only benefiting you but your baby too. They offer already made cookies or you can buy the cookie mix and make them yourself just by adding a few ingredients from your pantry. Prices vary depending on product. Milkmakers Lactation Cookies

9.) Lansinoh HPA Lanolin Cream: The first two weeks of breastfeeding were brutal for me personally, my nipples were chapped and sore as if someone had rubbed them with sand paper. Sounds awful I know, but this nipple cream from Lansinoh was an absolute life saver. You just dab a little on your nipples and it soothes cracked, dry, and sore nipples. It also protects your nipples from further "breastfeeding pains." It's also safe for baby but don't use it more than three times a day or you run the risk of your baby getting thrush. You can purchase it from Target for $7.19

10.) iBaby Feed Timer: This last one is an app for your phone. It logs feedings on each breast, dirty diapers, solid foods, sleep patterns, bottle feedings, even growth all conveniently on one application. I've been using this since my son was born, the thing I love most about it is it charts his activity so if there is a problem feeding or pooping and peeing I can easily pinpoint it, and by logging his sleep I can figure out his sleep patterns. You can find it in the Apple store for $3.99 I'm not sure if this app is on Android phones though. 

Photo Credit: Google, Target, Amazon, Bamboobies, Milkmakers, Medela, Lansinoh

Big Update!

It's been quite some time since my last blog post, over a year actually, and I apologize. First let me say HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

 As you can see above I'm pregnant, well WAS pregnant. I gave birth to my son last February. When I first found out I was pregnant in early August the plan was to take a little break from blogging to enjoy my pregnancy, but as time went on my pregnancy became more and more difficult. I spent a lot of time on bed rest and had absolutely no energy to do anything.

I suffered with hyperemesis gravidarum all through my pregnancy, was a frequent in the ER, and ended up developing preeclampsia which led me to welcoming my son two weeks early. Very scary!

Meet my son Tristan born February 26, 2014 at 1:21 am. He was 6 lbs 7 oz and 19.5 inches long. 

After my son was born it was a really big learning curve adjusting to live with a newborn and a 3 year old, believe me there were plenty of days and nights that ended in tears. I really thought breastfeeding the second time around would be a lot easier because I knew what to expect, but I forgot to factor in that I'd have a demanding 3 year old to answer to also. 

Now that 8 months have passed I finally feel like things are starting to get back to normal again, which means I can find time to blog again. 

-Megan

Photo Credit: All images taken by me

5 fun things to do with your tot this summer

In case you haven't noticed from extreme heat that has blanketed all of California and most of the West, summer is officially here!

I have a love hate relationship with it, on the one hand we can finally get outside and enjoy the summer sun. But sometimes it gets so hot that all I want to do is go inside and enjoy my wonderfully cool air conditioned house.

Whatever your preference it's only natural with your kids home all summer they are bound to get bored, which is why I have come up with some fun ideas for you try this summer. Some of these you can do inside, some outside.

1.) Buy some play dough and get creative (or you can make it)! No really it's that easy! My daughter got a really cool play dough cupcake maker toy for her birthday when it's too hot go outside this is a great way to keep the little ones busy. We have made some pretty cool stuff. This is fun even if you don't have the cupcake maker toy. There have been plenty of times when I just grabbed a rolling pin and cookie cutter and got creative.

2.) Run through the sprinklers! We did this a lot last summer it was 6:30 pm after dinner and the weather had cooled down just enough to make it fun! The cool beads of water dripping from our skin felt great. The best part, it's FREE!

3.) Take your kids to the movies. There's a lot of great kids movies coming out this summer like Monster's University, Despicable Me, Turbo comes out later this month, and next month Smurfs 2, and the new Disney movie Planes comes out. With all those options your kids will have no choice but to sit there and be entertained. Best part you get to spend at least and hour in a nice air conditioned theater without anyone whining or pulling at your leg. That sounds like a win to me!

4.) Go to the beach or pool! Take advantage of the warm weather and get out there and swim with your kiddos. I admit I was a little hesitant to take my daughter back into the pool since the incident we had a few weeks back if you have no idea what i'm talking about read about it here the day my kid almost died. But over the weekend we went back into the pool, and it was tough the first day she didn't want to swim much, but I kept encouraging her. The next day was even better. With all this heat you got to take advantage of water whether it be a beach or pool.

5.) Try something new off of Pintrest. I know you all have a pintrest account, and if you're anything like me you have like over 100 craft ideas pinned to do with your kids. Well now that it's summer try one! I've already tried this fun moon sand pin with my daughter made of 8 cups of flour and one cup of baby oil. My daughter loved it and there was little to NO mess!

Whatever you decide to do with your kids remember to be safe and follow proper safety precautions. Let me know what you plan on doing with your kids this summer in the comments!

Photo Credit: Google images and myself

I Know Where Your Kid Is, Do You?

As a new mother I know taking your kids out in public can be a very difficult and daunting task. They whine, scream, and have this insane need to exert as much energy as possible at any given moment. If your 2 year old wants juice and you have to search deep down into the depths of that overly stuffed diaper bag that appears to be bursting at the seams, it can lead to a stage 4 meltdown. I've been there. I can only imagine how hard it is for the parents of several children. Even with all that information, that does not make it okay for you to let your child run wild while you just sit there staring blankly at your iPhone.

Today I had a doctor's appointment to go over the results of a pelvic ultrasound I had done earlier this week. I was sitting in the lobby waiting patiently for my name to be called, when a woman and her two children walk in. One of the kids was 7 the other was about 3, they sat down for about five minutes and then the three year old gets out of her seat and starts running around the office climbing all over the cushions of the chairs in the waiting room as if they were a jungle gym at the local park.

She gets off the chair and hides behind a divider in the waiting room, her sister soon follows and they proceed to play hide-and-seek. The three year old jumps off the chair as if it's a back yard trampoline and I hear a loud thump as her bottom lands on the creaky dark wooden  floors. Then the screams start, and by now I can feel my blood pressure rising, where is her mother? What could she possibly doing that is so important that she can't keep track of her children? 

I decide to get up and see, I casually walk past her and over to the magazine rack so I don't draw attention to myself. She is on her cell phone, staring deeply at it. Really? That's the reason you have allowed your children to run around the office like they are animals that have just been released into the wild? Does she even know where her kids are at?

Too often do I see this scenario, parents too distracted by there cell phones or other form of electronics to take notice that their kids are misbehaving or worse they are no longer in sight. Is your cell phone, iPad, book, tablet, etc. more important that watching your kids? I am by no means the perfect mother, I make mistakes like everyone else, but I refuse to allow my daughter to run wild in public places and there is nothing in this world that is more important than making sure she does not leave my sight.

Parents PLEASE keep track of your children, one day they will run off and a kind lady like me won't be there to keep them from getting hurt. Nothing is more important than your children, so please put your phone down and watch them.

Photo Credit: Google Images

The Day My Kid Almost Died

Two weeks ago my daughter almost died.

Just typing that sentence gives me the chills, I can feel my heart sink to the pit of my stomach and my eyes are starting to get glossy, swelling up with salty wet tears. I go to a place of terror and sadness as I relive the traumatizing memory of my daughter's close call with death.

It was sunny and warm and the solar powered pool in my backyard was up to 80 degrees. This was perfect I thought, after all the strange weather we had been having lately we finally caught a break. We could go swimming! Yes! I have been waiting patiently since the end of last summer to finally get back in the pool.

I asked my daughter during her favorite movie if she wanted to go swimming, and before I could even blink she had already grabbed my hand and was walking me up the stairs to grab her swimsuit. We put our suits on and I invited my youngest sister to come with us, she obliged. We spent about an hour and half splashing each other, swimming laps, and hitting each other with pool noodles. We had a great time, but I remembered that earlier my grandma had called and said she would be coming over to visit around 4 pm.

It was 3:45 pm so I told my daughter it was time to get out and dry off because Grandma would be here soon. I took her life jacket off and wrapped a towel around her cold wet skin. She told me she was freezing, so I told her we could go sit in the sun by the pool to dry off, she would be warm there. As we were drying off, my Grandma had shown up, and she was trying to come out the sliding glass door to see us, she is fragile, her hands shake and sometimes she has trouble walking. I could see her struggling to get the door open, so I say to my daughter," Come on Milania, Grandma's here follow me so we can help her outside."

I was not prepared for what happened next.

I had assumed my daughter followed me, she usually does, so I went to help my 83 year old grandmother outside. As I grabbed a hold of my grandmother's hand I heard a loud scream. It was my sister instantly I turned around and I saw my daughter was in the pool under water not moving. Before I could even move my sister had already jumped in the pool and grabbed my daughter out of the water.

The whole thing only lasted about 20 seconds but it was the most terrifying 20 seconds of my life. I was panicking, what if she is dead? Why didn't I just pick her up? I'm the stupidest person alive. I don't want to lose her.

Fortunately she was perfectly fine, we didn't have to administer CPR, call the paramedics, or anything because she was perfectly fine, but I wasn't. My daughter almost died, and it was my fault. I didn't even save her myself, my sister did. I am the worst mother alive! How could I allow this to happen under my watch? How am I going to tell my fiancee? I'm dreading that phone call, he isn't going to trust me to care for our daughter anymore. I was feeling guilty as hell.

My fiancee tried to assure me it wasn't my fault, he told me I should be grateful my sister was there, and I was but that didn't take away the tremendous amount of guilt I felt for putting my daughter in harm's way. As a mother it's my job to protect my daughter from these things and I failed miserably.

2 weeks have gone by since her near death experience, but I don't feel any better. In fact we haven't been in the pool since. I just can't seem to escape this overwhelming amount of guilt that is hanging over me like a black cloud. She almost died, under my watch. Why can't I just let this go already? Why am I still hanging on to a painful memory? Because she almost died. I don't know if I will ever get over this, but I know this much I am forever grateful to my sister.

Photo Credit: All photos courtesy of me

How To Talk To Your Children About Tragedy and Tragic Events

I can still hear it, the sound of my phone alerting me of a incoming text message. I remember exactly what is said, "Boston explosions :/ people's legs blown off" that was the message I received from my significant other informing me of yesterday's bombings that occurred shortly after 4 pm EST during the Boston Marathon. I was very confused by the text I had just woken up from a nap and didn't know what to make of it. So I did what most people would have done I searched the Internet for more information. And turned the news on. 

Flipping through the local news channels, nothing. It was too soon, I found an article online explaining what happened, 2 bombs had gone off shortly after 4 pm EST during the Boston Marathon, killing 2 people and injuring at least 23 people. That was yesterday afternoon, since then the death toll had risen to 3 and left 145 injured including at least 12 in critical condition. 

Immediately I thought about my daughter, she's only 23 months thank god she is too little to understand. She won't be asking any questions, she won't want to know why this happened, she won't tell me she's scared, she won't have nightmares. I can take comfort in knowing that I don't have to explain the evils of the world we live in just yet. 

But what if she was older, what if she did understand and wanted answers? What if she felt those same emotions that the rest of the world is feeling right now, sadness, fear, confusion, what would I have said to her? I'm not a psychologist, or a doctor, a teacher or anything else, just another stay at home mother who has lived through another tragic event in history so what could I say to my child after this? I thought long and hard about this all night yesterday and even early this morning. This is what I came up with after doing a little research online and adding in knowledge I gained from my own experiences with tragic events.

1.) Try to keep the conversations short. Giving too much information or including too many details in the discussion may leave your children feeling frightened or insecure, by keeping the discussion short you are able to address the situation but also keep your child from panicking. Make sure you reassure them that they are safe. If my daughter would have asked what happened I probably would have said something like, "Some bad guys hurt a lot of people yesterday, but a lot of good people like doctors, nurses, firefighters, police officers, even the president came to help them. The good people are going to make them all better, and they are also going to protect us and keep us safe."

2.) Make your child feel comfortable and safe by using plenty of nonverbal reassurance. Showing your child lots of love by hugging them and kissing them, even just cuddling whether it's before bed or while playing or watching TV together, will put them at ease and make them feel secure and safe. As a child after the 1994 Northridge Earthquake my mother used to let me cuddle with her after dinner, I would tell her before bed I was scared and I remember she laid in my bed with me and held me for awhile, it always put me at ease and made me feel safer.

3.) If possible try to avoid watching News Broadcasts on TV or listening to it on the radio in front of small children. As a kid the one thing that scared me the most after tragic events was news broadcasts, they tend to say things and show things that may scare a child like, blood, injuries, talk about death and have a tendency to use words that may frighten a child like terrorists, bombs, guns, shootings, etc. The images and language may be tough for a child to see and hear. As a kid I remember growing up always watching news broadcasts with my parents I remember the bombings in Oklahoma City from 1994. It was terrifying to see the explosion and all of the wreckage after it occurred, I had nightmares of it as a kid, I wished my parents would have watched it when I wasn't around.

4.) Remember your kids may want to talk about it again at another time, so be prepared to have the discussion again.  Chances are your kids may hear you discuss it with others, or hear about it at school or daycare, be prepared to answer their questions as best as you can without making them feel frightened. Try using words they understand and words you comfortable using, this may or may not be the time to discuss death with your child.

5.) Try your best not to show your own fears and anxieties about the situation. Kids feed off of their parents' energy so if they sense you are scared they probably will be too. You want to make your children feel secure, I'm not saying to lie to them or hide your feelings but let them know you are upset about what some bad people did, but assure them that lots of good people are working hard to fix it and keep everyone safe, and/or make things better. 

6.) Try to get things back to normal as best you can. Of course you may still be upset and hurting but your children may not understand and the best way you can try to help yourself and your children move on is to resume normal activities. By resuming normal activities it may take not only your mind off of the situation but also theirs too, it will help them feel more secure and possibly help curb anxieties they may feel.

Obviously I'm not an expert on this particular topic but I did do some research before I wrote this post, and I spoke to other moms, and used my knowledge from my own experiences to help come up with these tips. If you or your child is still having trouble coping don't be afraid to seek the help of a professional, they are there to help you and your family members get through these sorts of situations. My heart, thoughts, and prayers go out to everyone who has experienced sadness, grief, and anger from this tragic event. Good luck to everyone and remember to pray for everyone in Boston. #PrayForBoston

Photo Credit: Washington Post

What I've learned since becoming a mother

Something tragic happened to me today to inspire this post.. my beloved cell phone that I've had for almost 2 years now is no longer. I've had this thing since December of 2010, it helped me document my pregnancy, take silly pictures, pass the time with games, watch videos, and most importantly kept me in contact with the rest of the outside world. When I didn't have it with me I felt weird like a piece of me was missing, everything was fine this morning until I made the biggest mistake I could ever make as a new mother.

I gave my phone to my almost 16 month old daughter, and she threw it in the toilet. What's really sad about this is while I was in the bathroom with her washing my hands I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be absolutely terrible if she threw it into the toilet?" and before I could even blink the very thing I had JUST thought happened. This is what's left of my poor sad soggy phone:

You can see the obvious water damage, I got it out of the toilet as fast as I could but it was already too late. RIP phone, you will be missed. This was one of life's lessons I had to learn the hard way, you don't give a 16  month old toddler your cell phone it's a bad idea, especially when you don't have money to replace it. That is one of the many things I've learned since I became a mother.

I've also learned to appreciate the things you do have, because at any moment they can be taken from you. Embrace you're family because they are the people who are going to get you through rough times. One smile from my daughter can make all the things that are wrong in my life so right. I've learned to become a more patient, loving, and affectionate mother. You have to be, when you have a baby your whole entire life changes I mean I personally think for the better, but I suppose not everyone out there agrees.

You have to be able to laugh sometimes instead of getting upset, like for instance when my daughter took the frozen peas out of the freezer and spilled them all over the floor and then ate them with her dog. I really wanted to be mad, but how could I be after seeing how happy she looked. So I laughed it off, children are innocent little creatures especially at this age. They don't know right from wrong yet, punishing them is absolutely useless because they don't understand.

When you have children you realize not to take life so seriously all the time you really learn enjoy every moment like its your last because you never know what can happen. Motherhood is such a difficult job, but also so darn rewarding. You don't get sick days or vacation days you give it your all because you love your child so much and you want to give them the world. My daughter is my everything and no matter what she does I could never stop loving her, because since she came into my live I've learned how to love unconditionally.

You're going to make mistakes as a parent I can guarantee this, but it's what you do after those mistakes have happened and what you take from it moving forward that matters. Obviously letting my daughter have my phone is not the biggest parenting mistake I could ever make, and I know this but it sure was disappointing to watch her throw it in the toilet. But just like any other time I learned some kind of lesson that will help me be a better parent moving forward.

Believe me I'm terrified of messing my little girls life up, but I know deep down I'm doing the best that I can and I will always do the best I can as a mother to raise her right so that is all that matters. Make sure you tell your kids you love them every chance you get and give them as many kisses and hugs as they will allow especially when they are young because they may not let you when you get older :). Oh and don't be so hard on yourself it's hard being a parent it doesn't come with a handbook.

The truth about C-Sections

As a newly expectant mom, there are a lot of things you worry about, "Is my baby healthy, how long will this morning sickness last, how much will it weigh at birth, do I plan on breastfeeding, am I having a boy or a girl, what's labor like?" I could go on forever but you pretty much get the picture. About the time I reached the middle of the second trimester of my own pregnancy I started to think about labor and delivery more and more as each day would go by. I remember I would ask my OB/GYN questions like "What happens if my baby comes on the weekend, will you be there to deliver her?" or "Is my babies current weight normal? Is she big?"

I worried about having to push a 12 lb baby through the birth canal, and my boyfriend didn't help matters as he would continuously tell me, "I was a big baby, I weighed 10 lbs at birth and I had a big head." Why would anyone say that to their already fearful girlfriend? Later I found out it was lie but that's besides the point. I was terrified of child birth because I've heard all the horror stories, tearing during the birthing process, pooping while pushing, having trouble pushing, etc. Not to mention the effects on the body afterwards, peeing every time you laugh, the woman that does my hair told me she couldn't even sit or stand after she gave birth because the tearing she experienced was so painful.

By now I was so frightened I wondered what I had got myself into, but then I thought, "Maybe I'll just ask for a C-Section, surely it can't be as bad as natural birth." So I considered it for awhile but realized there was no point in asking just prepare for natural labor, besides many women do it every day and come out of the birthing process fine. So the weeks up to my due date I spent telling myself I would be fine and that I could do it, I even convinced myself that I wanted a natural child birth.

So the day finally comes around 7 am on May 10th I am in labor and boy am I in a lot of pain. I really was not ready for what the day had in store for me, around 7:30 I arrived, by 10 am I had my epidural. By 1 pm I was only 5 cm dilated, my daughter's heart rate had been quite high all morning, and the nurses were struggling to see movement from her on any of the monitors since I came in at 7 am. I was on oxygen all morning and afternoon. By 3 pm they informed me I would be leaving for an Emergency cesarean section because my baby was going through shock.

I remember being even more frightened than before, "What? I just got comfortable with the idea of having a natural birth and now I'm being forced to have a c-section? I'm not even mentally prepared for this." They prepared me for surgery gave me an extra dose of epidural, trust me when I tell you I was so drugged up, I felt nothing. At 4:27 pm on May 10, 2011 my daughter was born.

As I laid in the bed in recovery I had no idea what I was in store for, I was in recovery for over 2 hours and they kept asking me if I could move around, I responded with a "No I still can't feel my legs." The nurse thought it was weird and said the epidural should have worn off by now. I started to feel scared, "What if I'm paralyzed?" An hour later they moved me back to my room and put these strange boots on my feet to prevent blood clots. I was still worried because I couldn't feel the lower half of my body, the nurse in my room assured me I just had a really good epidural and I should be glad I can't feel anything because once I do, it will not be pleasant.

Sigh, boy was she right about 2 hours later I regained all feeling and I was in worse pain then before. No one  warned me about this, when reading up on the whole birthing process, sure they tell you it's painful but they don't go into much detail about it. Not only was my incision site oozing blood for about 2 days, the first day you're on bed rest and the very next day, you're forced to get out of bed and walk around the hospital.

I remember the nurse got me out of bed to change the bandages and clean me down there, yea you're supposed to squirt water down there to keep things clean, anyway those first steps out of bed were the hardest. At that moment I wanted to die it hurt so bad, but I must do it. It was awful, why didn't anyone tell me any of this? My mom had 3 c-sections and was in the room when I was informed that I was getting one, she could have told me.

The nurses also tell you to walk around the hospital because you have to try to release the gas inside your stomach, not to mention the constipation pain. This was too much, NO ONE TOLD ME ANY OF THIS. I wish I would have known how difficult this would be not just on my body physically but also mentally. I was in the hospital for 4 days and when I got home I remember not wanting to do anything let alone take care of a baby.

For about 2 and half weeks it hurt to get in and out of bed, it took me about 4 weeks before I could roll over again, by 8 weeks the pain was virtually gone, I mean it was still sensitive to touch but nothing like those first few weeks where it hurt to even move. I'm natural child birth is a lot better than the horrible pain of a C-section. These are thing that you don't hear, no one told me that when I tried to go poop after that I would be crying because it hurt so much. No one warned me about the recovery period, how big my scar would be, any of this. It can sometimes take a while to regain feeling in that area, it took me about 4-5 months after birth. Although this didn't happen to me in particular, mothers who have c-sections sometimes have a more difficult time breastfeeding too, due to the epidural it makes the baby sleepy and it's difficult to get them to latch on.

I have no idea why anyone would actually voluntarily ask for such a thing. So this is why I'm writing about this, to tell the truth about cesarean sections. To prepare the expectant moms out there that might have to go through this, it's not as glamorous as it seems. If you can mentally prepare yourself for it now then maybe it will be easier for you later. I just wish someone would have told me the truth about c-sections, it may have been a lot easier on me. As hard as it was I now have a beautiful little girl and I would totally do it all over again in a second.

My Adventure with... StriVectin-SD Part 1

As every woman who has ever been pregnant knows, pregnancy can a wonderful thing. Some would even say a miracle from god, and while pregnancy truly is something special that only a woman who has experienced it could understand; it can also be torture on your body. Morning sickness, weight gain, the constant kick in the ribs from your little one, and the dreaded STRETCH MARKS.

If you're anything like me, you bought every cream you could and slathered it on several times a day to help prevent those ugly marks, but unfortunately it did not work. I only gained about 35 lbs while I was pregnant so I stayed within the normal range, however, it didn't seem to matter because I got stretch marks all over my stomach. Dermatologists and even my OB/GYN told me "Don't worry they will fade with time," I'm sure that's true but maybe I would like to start wearing my bikini now.

I'm always complaining to my boyfriend about how ugly my stretch marks are and how much I hate them, somewhere along the way he must have actually been listening to what I said because two weeks ago he bought me a bottle of the uber-expensive stretch cream StriVectin SD. (As pictured below)

I received my bottle in the mail today, and decided I'm going to document my results and post it on my blog as a "review." According to the company the special ingredients they use are supposed to stimulate the production of collagen and elastin to help reduce the appearance of wrinkles and stretch marks. There are other ingredients in StriVectin that are said to be beneficial to your skin but I'm not going to get into that right now.

DISCLAIMER: I'm going to let everyone know right now I have an older version of StriVectin-SD, the newer bottles contain Niacin, however; this product has been around since December of 2002 and used by millions worldwide. Therefore it's good enough for me.

I will be using this product as instructed by the directions on the back twice a day every day for the next 8 weeks, and I will post updates on my progress throughout the next 8 weeks. They won't be daily updates because I really don't have the time and I want to give the product time to work. 

Day 1:

This is my before picture:

Scary I know haha. As you can see I have stretch marks all over my lower stomach, hopefully within the next few weeks they won't be so bad, I guess we are going to find out. If this doesn't work then it's laser surgery for me.

If you would like to purchase your own bottle of StriVectin you can buy at a variety of in-store retailers such as: Nordstroms and Costco are the only two that I personally know of but I'm sure there are others depending on where you live. You can also purchase it online directly from their website: http://www.strivectin.com/ and/or Amazon, among others.

Dealing With Mommy Guilt

Maybe I am the only one who struggles with this, maybe I am not I really don't know, but I have a lot of mommy guilt. When I found out I was pregnant in September of 2010, it was a complete surprise I mean after all I had just turned 24 was working on finishing my degree, unmarried, and wasn't planning on having kids until I was at least 28. But life is funny like that and sometimes throws you a curve ball, anyway while I was pregnant I really never thought of how I was going to feel once I gave birth and held that baby in my arms. My only worries were: how much labor and giving birth would hurt.

Fast forward to today, my daughter is now 15 months old and I am scared (please excuse my foul language) shitless. I often feel stress and anxiety about my parenting skills. Despite the immense experience I have with kids, from working a pre-school, and helping raise my niece and nephew,  I still feel so in over my head. I find myself constantly asking myself, "Am I doing this right?" Should I give her that extra bottle, just because she says "Mama baba?" Should she even still be drinking out of a bottle after all she is 1 now? And she loves her pacifiers they make her so happy, I mean look at her:

 She seems so happy, but everyone keeps telling me, "You need to try and take those things away, the longer you wait the harder it will be." Thanks for the unwanted reminder. They are comforting for her and they make her happy, plus if I take them away I feel as though she won't understand why I'm doing it. I know they have to go sometime but I don't feel like either of us are ready to part with them. So I start to feel guilty, like I am doing her an injustice, I'm enabling her. After all I'm the mother, not her. This feeling is very frustrating.

And then there's the bad mom thoughts, I get these thoughts a lot, "Am I a bad mother because I let her watch TV at 15 months old?" "Am I bad mother because I leave her alone for 5 minutes so I can try to make a phone call to her doctor?" I can see her from the table. When she bumps her head on the couch, "Was it my fault because I didn't get to her sooner?" "If I check my phone or browse my tablet does that mean I'm not giving her enough attention?" I do all these things, so I must be a bad mother... this is what I find myself saying to myself way too often.

When you become a parent all this unwanted parenting advice comes at you from every direction, even from people you don't even know. It's very difficult and I have to say it gets to me sometimes, I feel the guilt but I never really talk about it. I told my boyfriend how I felt yesterday for the first time, he tried to make me feel better and assured me I'm the perfect mother, however; it's nice to hear but I know I'm still going to have these fears and I must deal with the guilt. I had a very difficult time growing up and experienced many horrible things that no one should ever have to go through, sometimes I think those experiences are what are fueling these fears, I just don't want to screw her life up or have to experience anything that I did. It's a cold world out there.

I know she knows I love her and deep down I know I'm doing the best that I can. And I know she loves me too, but that doesn't make motherhood any easier, after all; she is only 1 right now. Some days are better than others but I guess I'm just going to keep on fighting through this. Perhaps I should seek therapy I don't know, but I hope one day this will guilt will pass and I can accept the fact that it's ok to make mistakes. For now I need to just keep reminding myself kids don't come with instruction manuals, you do the best you possibly can, and if you make a mistake you learn from it and keep going.